Joe Mazzulla Has Effectively Destroyed the Boston Celtics for the Foreseeable Future
Jayson Tatum likely tore his Achilles last night. His stat line? 42-8-2-2 before going down with just over three minutes left in the game. They play? A dropped pass from Jaylen Brown, stolen by the Knicks, and as Tatum reacted to the loose ball—pop. See ya in 2027.
Tatum was brilliant—is brilliant—but even he couldn’t shine through the soul-crushing monotony of five-out Mazzulla-ball. Another double-digit lead evaporated in the third, so there we were again: Tatum trying to salvage things in the fourth. The offense? More like everyone standing around while he went 1-on-5. He hit just enough deep threes to keep the Celtics close, but that was the only reason the game wasn’t totally lost, yet. Because outside of Tatum? The Celtics got outworked. Outcoached. Again.
The Knicks, who apparently still believe in things like mid-range jumpers and layups, have now won 3 of the last 4 in trading 2’s for 3’s in a playoff atmosphere. Do the dorks account for atmosphere? Do numbers feel pressure? No. What do the Celtics do? Just kept bombing threes.
No creativity. No adjustments. Not even a single emotional outburst. Just “trust the process.” After the game, he’ll probably get a printout full of data points and efficiency stats explaining how this should have been a win “if we’d just done this, that, or the other thing around the margins.”
Newsflash, Joe: you are the margins. You’re the coach. You exist for moments like this. Not to crunch spreadsheets, but to call a timeout when momentum dies, to draw up a damn play, to switch a defense—anything to shift the energy. But nah. Just keep launching threes. Because of that stubborn approach, Jayson Tatum may never be the same.
Yes, I’m blaming Mazzulla for Tatum’s injury. If the Celtics weren’t so soft, so clueless, so allergic to actual basketball, Tatum wouldn’t even be on the floor that late. He’d be on the bench, resting up while the team coasted to the ECF. Instead, he’s out there playing hero ball, dribbling the air out of the fucking thing, settling for step-back threes. And when it’s Brown’s turn to “run the offense,” it’s high picks 25 feet from the hoop, leading to risky passes, turn overs, and—you guessed it—injuries.
Ironically, Tatum’s injury might be the best thing that could happen to Joe Mazzulla. Now he’s got the perfect excuse. He can’t be scapegoated for yet another playoff collapse to a lesser team. Tatum’s out all next year, and if Mazzulla squeaks out a 4-seed, he’ll be called a miracle worker.
But make no mistake—it won’t be until 2027 that we finally see Joe Mazzulla face the criticism he deserves. And by then, it might already be too late. We may already be watching the beginning of the end of the Jayson Tatum Celtics.