I Hate Sports

The Celtics blew another 20-point lead in embarrassing fashion at home last night. They’re now down 0–2 to the Knicks. This team has a rich history of being an extremely frustrating product to consume. And it infuriates me that it actually causes me discomfort.

I’m a nearly 40-year-old man. With two kids. A mortgage. A job. A good understanding of all the horrific shit happening around the world and how utterly doomed everything feels—and yet somehow, Jayson Tatum, a 20-something bajillionaire bricking threes and forgetting how to dribble, has me waking up on the verge of a meltdown.

What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s sports. That’s the point, right? To stir up emotions and trick us into investing in something "bigger than ourselves." But Jesus Christ, does it suck when they blow it.

What do non-sports fans do with their irrational emotions? Do they just doom-scroll until their thumbs fall off? Are they the morons arguing with bots in Facebook comment sections? Or is everyone just… happier than us idiot diehard sports fans?


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The Red Sox need to be Vrabel’d

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Yeah, this doesn’t look like a future diva problem in New England.