The Destruction of the Celtics should not be Payroll Related
In this explosive episode of the Simple Minds Sports Show, Dr. Big Mac, Rich, and Chief Bobby grab their emotional support beers and try to pick up the pieces of the Celtics' scorched-earth offseason. With Celtics Talk Weekly’s own Robert Haytay-an joining the show, the boys dive into the Jrue Holiday and Porzingis trades, Brad Stevens' apparent obsession with “flexibility,” and whether Boston just punted on contention or pulled off a stealthy reload.
Plus, HEADLINES with The Obvious One is back—and as misinformed as ever—with hot takes on the NBA Draft, "Fire Nico" chants, a 7'2" Chinese Jokic, and whether Ace Bailey will make it to All-Star weekend before demanding a trade.
Also on tap:
Did Brad Stevens just launder $200 million in tax payments?
Is Hugo González just Spanish for “semi-hopeful Summer League minutes?”
Who gets a statue first: Brad Stevens or a traffic cone?
Pour one out for the Celtics' cap sheet and join us for the chaos.
🔥 Segment 1: Destruction of the Celtics (ft. Robert Haytay-an of Celtics Talk Weekly)
Celtics trade Jrue Holiday (and $72M in taxes) for Anfernee Simons and two 2nd-rounders
Porzingis dumped in a 3-team shuffle that brings back Georges Niang and another 2nd
Stevens speaks: "We need to regain flexibility" — translation: we need to not be bankrupt
Total savings: ~$200 million
Now $46M under the 2nd apron. But… are they any good?
💥 Quick Hits:
Simons? Meh.
Niang? No thanks.
Horford and Kornet back? Lord help us.
Still no big men on this roster
Are they low-key tanking?
Will the new owners pay the repeater tax? (Don’t bet on it.)
👀 Draft Pick Breakdown:
Celtics take Hugo González at #28
19-year-old Spanish wing from Real Madrid
Raw, unpolished, and kinda exciting if you squint hard enough
Think "Diet Franz Wagner with butterfingers"
🏀 Segment 2: HEADLINES with The Obvious One
Mavs land Cooper Flagg — Nico Harrison survives the pitchforks (for now)
Ace Bailey already hates Utah, probably shopping for a Zillow listing in Miami
Suns get Mark Williams from Charlotte — where were the Celtics??
Pelicans go full Galaxy Brain and trade an unprotected '26 first for Derik Queen
Durant sent to Houston in a blockbuster nobody asked for
🗿Final Thoughts:
Are the Celtics really tanking or just allergic to centers?
Is Joe Mazzulla coaching a G-League team now?
Who gets the statue: Brad or Mazzulla? Or the tax accountant?
Dr. Big Mac – Conspiracy theorist, fried food philosopher, and still holding out hope for Semi Ojeleye's return
Rich (a.k.a. PC Principle) – The angry timekeeper and structure czar, here to yell about aprons and spreadsheets
Chief Bobby – Formerly in charge of optimism, currently in charge of vibes
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